Living in a Sexless Marriage – What Can You Do to Rekindle the Romance?
Often in the first few years of marriage, the level of physical intimacy decreases. This is completely normal and to be expected, especially if you’ve been together for a long time. The problem is that if you don’t work on increasing how often you have sex, you end up in a sexless marriage and are essentially roommates rather than romantic partners.
Coping with a sexless marriage can be difficult for both partners involved. Physical intimacy is one of the most important ways you can stay close to your partner. When that intimacy is gone you’re left with a void in the relationship.
Sexless marriages aren’t just relationships in which the husband and wife don’t have sex that often. A sexless marriage is one in which the couple hasn’t had sex for at least a year. That can really take its toll on the relationship.
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Effects of a Sexless Marriage on the Husband and Wife
Partners in a sexless relationship can feel disconnected from one another. Physical intimacy is often the biggest thing that separates a relationship from being platonic to being romantic. If living in a sexless marriage is causing one or both partners distress, something needs to change.
You may feel distant from your partner. Maybe one of you tries to initiate sex and the other deflects. This can lower self-esteem and make you feel rejected and undesirable.
A sexless relationship is essentially a really close friendship. A sexless marriage can result in feeling like you live with a close roommate rather than a husband or wife. Often couples in a sexless marriage fight more or harbour negative feelings towards their partner. Some people may become addicted to porn or cheat on their partners. Everyone deals with living in a sexless marriage differently.
Coping With a Sexless Marriage
The first step to coping with a sexless marriage is to communicate. You need to spend time with your partner discussing what’s going on, why you’re not having sex, and if that’s a problem for you. Some couples don’t have sex or have very little sex, and that works for them.
If being in a sexless relationship doesn’t work for you or your partner, you need to talk about what you need from each other. How can you reconnect and find that level of intimacy again? There are ways to rebuild intimacy, but it’s going to take work on both your parts.
You can try scheduling a time to have sex. This might take the spontaneity and romance out of the sexual interaction. On the other hand, it gives you and your partner something to look forward to.
Intimacy isn’t just about having sex, it’s about finding the closeness in your relationship. You can build intimacy by spending quality time together. Do new things together. Go on adventures. Go on date nights. Make time for each other that is special.
You can also try taking small steps towards physical intimacy by increasing the amount of physical touch you engage in. Try cuddling while you watch a movie. Hold hands while you’re out walking. Touch each other more. Give each other hugs and kisses. Give your partner a hand or foot massage. These small actions can lead to big results and might eventually lead you into the bedroom.
Living in a Sexless Marriage – When Do You Walk Away?
The biggest problem with living in a sexless marriage is that one or both of you can become dissatisfied with the relationship. People who feel this way may turn to cheating or just suffer silently while their needs aren’t met.
If you’re living in a sexless marriage, it’s important that your needs are met, and not just your physical needs. It’s necessary that both you and your partner’s emotional needs are met as well.
Some sexless marriages do end in divorce. That’s obviously not what we want for you, and so it’s important to seek help when you’re in a sexless marriage that is causing distress. Go to couples counselling as well as individual therapy to work through what’s causing the lack of intimacy and connection between you and your partner.
If after couples counselling you find yourselves at an impasse, then maybe it is time to part ways. This is only if living in a sexless marriage is causing one or both of you distress. If not having sex has become the wedge that drives you both apart, then it’s up to you and your partner to decide whether to stay or go.
Can a Marriage Survive a Sexless Relationship?
It’s possible for marriages to survive a sexless relationship, but it can be very difficult. Some couples are ok with not having sex for various reasons. But if one or both of you are having difficulty staying in a sexless marriage, then it’s time to assess whether or not you can make it work.
There isn’t a lot of data out there that can give you a percentage of how many couples are in a sexless marriage, but a 2018 study showed that over one in four relationships are sexless. So you can see that you’re not alone. However, it’s also important to note that nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce. We don’t want that for you. Sexless relationships can survive, you just need to put in the work to rekindle that romantic spark and physical intimacy.
In addition to an increase in communication, we suggest going back to why you fell in love and what attracted you to your partner in the first place. You’ll never get the initial days back where you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, but as a married couple, you’ve weathered many storms. This is an important one for you both to work on because if you don’t you could lose each other.
If you’re ready to take the first step in working on coping with a sexless marriage, contact us to schedule an appointment. We look forward to helping you build a happier, healthier relationship with your partner and renew your physical and emotional intimacy.